Lately

I don't want to share too much but as of lately I haven't been happy. There just seems to be a lot of thoughts in my head and no one to share them to. Trying to get a therapist where I live seems to be a dead end street. Basically I'd be on a waiting list for months and I can't wait months before I talk to someone.

I looked at doing therapy online but they want you to pay out of pocket for that while I can get my insurance to cover it. I just hope something happens sooner rather than later because I am sick of struggling. I'm sick of a lot of things but that's not a story for my blog. So until then, I will keep these feelings bottled up inside. it's what i'm best at.

Maybe one day I'll find peace and stop fighting demons in my head.

Dear Ex-Best Friend

This is a rant that I need to get off my chest and I'm not sure where else to post it, so here goes.

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

Or should I say so called friend? Because honestly, you were a pretty shitty friend. There are no words to explain how much i can't stand you and the fact that you can't ever be single and focus on yourself. it's a different dude every week. I tolerated your bullshit for seven years and was there every time you needed help. But the one day I needed you and you had to pull excuses out of your ass to not help me. I'm honestly glad that my boyfriend opened my eyes and made me realize that you were never a true friend. Too busy thinking about what dick you're going to be on next week.

As for the dude in Florida you claim to love, that is a load of shit. if you loved him, you would have been loyal and you weren't. You don't know the definition of being loyal. I don't think I have ever hated someone as much as I hate you. I hate the fact that I thought you were such a true friend for 7 years when in reality you weren't.

I hope you're happy with your life now, being a two faced bitch and all. Must be nice to be miserable with a dude that you're not even in love with, but you love the fact he takes care of you because god forbid you have to take care of yourself.

But best of luck to you. You keep enjoying your miserable life while i'm out here living my best dreams.

Home Ownership

Have you ever thought about buying a home someday? Being almost twenty four years old, I think about owning a home every day. I've been lucky enough to not have to rent apartments and I hope that I will never have to sign a lease for an apartment. I'd rather pay for my own mortgage than someone else's. But you have to make sure you have the means to afford to pay for your own homes. Half the time when you buy them, they require lots of attention before moving in! I want to make sure I have plenty enough in my savings before I do it.

Also, I would love to design the inside of my own home. I've been thinking about modular homes as well and wonder if that would be the way to go. Buy your own land, then buy a modular. There's just so much out there, that I'm not sure where to go! But I definitely want to look into grants/programs to help.

There's just so much i want to do, but not sure what the future will bring.

On a side note, I really need to get the about section updated for my blog! stay tuned!