Lately

I don't want to share too much but as of lately I haven't been happy. There just seems to be a lot of thoughts in my head and no one to share them to. Trying to get a therapist where I live seems to be a dead end street. Basically I'd be on a waiting list for months and I can't wait months before I talk to someone.

I looked at doing therapy online but they want you to pay out of pocket for that while I can get my insurance to cover it. I just hope something happens sooner rather than later because I am sick of struggling. I'm sick of a lot of things but that's not a story for my blog. So until then, I will keep these feelings bottled up inside. it's what i'm best at.

Maybe one day I'll find peace and stop fighting demons in my head.

Dear Ex-Best Friend

This is a rant that I need to get off my chest and I'm not sure where else to post it, so here goes.

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

Or should I say so called friend? Because honestly, you were a pretty shitty friend. There are no words to explain how much i can't stand you and the fact that you can't ever be single and focus on yourself. it's a different dude every week. I tolerated your bullshit for seven years and was there every time you needed help. But the one day I needed you and you had to pull excuses out of your ass to not help me. I'm honestly glad that my boyfriend opened my eyes and made me realize that you were never a true friend. Too busy thinking about what dick you're going to be on next week.

As for the dude in Florida you claim to love, that is a load of shit. if you loved him, you would have been loyal and you weren't. You don't know the definition of being loyal. I don't think I have ever hated someone as much as I hate you. I hate the fact that I thought you were such a true friend for 7 years when in reality you weren't.

I hope you're happy with your life now, being a two faced bitch and all. Must be nice to be miserable with a dude that you're not even in love with, but you love the fact he takes care of you because god forbid you have to take care of yourself.

But best of luck to you. You keep enjoying your miserable life while i'm out here living my best dreams.

Home Ownership

Have you ever thought about buying a home someday? Being almost twenty four years old, I think about owning a home every day. I've been lucky enough to not have to rent apartments and I hope that I will never have to sign a lease for an apartment. I'd rather pay for my own mortgage than someone else's. But you have to make sure you have the means to afford to pay for your own homes. Half the time when you buy them, they require lots of attention before moving in! I want to make sure I have plenty enough in my savings before I do it.

Also, I would love to design the inside of my own home. I've been thinking about modular homes as well and wonder if that would be the way to go. Buy your own land, then buy a modular. There's just so much out there, that I'm not sure where to go! But I definitely want to look into grants/programs to help.

There's just so much i want to do, but not sure what the future will bring.

On a side note, I really need to get the about section updated for my blog! stay tuned!

Abortion

This isn't how I wanted to start out by posting but it turns out I feel like I need to get this out of my chest. There was this girl I used to go to school with and we used to be great friends. But recently, all her posts on facebook were about abortion and how much she hated it. Basically if you got an abortion, you were the worst person alive.

I'm all for having different opinions on this topic, but do not sit there and try to force your opinion down my throat. This all started with an instagram post I posted. "Abortion isn't murder and someone who gets one isn't a bad person. you can't change my mind." So obviously her seeing that, set her right off into her rants. Basically she thought I thought differently about it and blah blah blah. First off, you just want everyone to see it your way. So after that, I blocked her on instagram and took her off facebook. I cannot deal with someone who tries to force their opinion down your throat.

If my birth control fails, and I get pregnant then I will get an abortion. Only because I am not in the right place to be able to afford kids. Why would I want to bring a kid into a shitty situation? My boyfriend and I talked it over and that's that.

If you're against it, then that's fine. Just don't try and tell me to think otherwise because I won't. This is where I stand on the topic.

Hello, 2019.

I am literally dying at the last blog I posted. The guy ended up ghosting me and was apparently with another female at the same time so that ship sailed. But i ended up getting serious with someone in June and we've been together ever since. i'm happy but at the same time could be happier. But it's a work in progress.

Just crazy how much changed since posting that blog back in March. I really need to try posting more on here and hope i can stick with it. I'm really not sure what else to say so this will probably be the end of it. Just a short post announcing that i'm alive.

Spontaneous

I truly forgot about this blog. Two years since I've last posted, ridiculous?! Anyways, I'm sick of the snow. I'm tired of the cold and personally I haven't been happy in a long time. Maybe it's because I'm lonely and haven't been with anyone since October, but it's rough.

I've been talking to this dude lately. We've been talking about moving to Florida and wanting to start a life together. I hope he's serious because if he's not then I'm not going to be amused. If one more person even thinks about screwing me over, i'm just losing home. He just makes me melt at some of the things he says and I just wonder if he's serious. I've wanted to be with him for awhile, but things got in the way. But for now, I'm going to take it day by day. 

Going to get my car fixed soon, then hopefully we'll be off. Plates need to be renewed, and my daytime running light needs to be fixed then we can make sure she'll be able to make the trip to Florida.  

But I won't keep my hopes up. I'm sure something will come up and it won't happen but here's to staying positive.  

With Love.

Updates & Football Rant

Wow, it's been so long since I've updated this blog! I haven't updated since end of August, oops. So yeah, for anyone that reads this I'm alive. Barely, but hanging on. 

I'm currently watching Football. New England Vs Seattle. I've been thinking that how come Seattle can cheat and get away with it but if New England is rumored of deflating balls, it's the end of the world? I mean you can truly see where the favoritism stands and it's not with the Patriots. 

It's a pretty tight game and I'm hoping that second half picks up a lot. Even though we're in the lead by 2 points, we can do better. 

But Roger Goodell really has no logic. Haters gonna hate though. 

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I start school tomorrow and I'm so excited! I was supposed to start in September and things just kept falling apart but FINALLY it's happening. It took a couple months but I'm just pumped. 

I'll be doing classes online and I'm hoping it works out. It's one class every few weeks so it's not terrible. If things go well, I'll be graduating in 2021, lmao. 

So ya, that's the blog of updates. I'm going to try to be more active on here. 

xo